Spies Online E-mail Newsletter http://www.spiesonline.net Issue #2, March 7, 1998 Feature Article: PART II. "The Memoirs of an Exotic Dancer" Follow-up Questions to Gabrielle relating to last week's article. by: Joanne Waldron If anyone is reading this without having read Part I, I strongly suggest that you write to me and get a copy of it before reading any further. In the last issue, I published the memoirs of an exotic dancer (stage name: Gabrielle) who described in vivid detail her experiences concerning what went on at men's bachelor parties and how she came to be an exotic dancer. This week, I am going to publish for you (unedited) a follow-up interview that I had with Gabrielle. I apologize in advance to some of my more tender readers for the coarseness of some of the questions that I asked. Here's the interview: Joanne: I assume that your husband is probably a really great guy. Gabrielle: Yes, he's definitely a great guy. He's my best friend. He's unique because he's very emotional and feminine in a lot of ways, but he's this big, manly guy. In a lot of ways he's more feminine than I am! I think that's why he was able to accept my stripping. He doesn't have that macho, caveman kind of mentality. He's very laid back and very accepting of people. I have gay friends, and he doesn't hesitate to give them hugs or ask questions about being gay. He's just not threatened by any of the stuff that usually bothers men. I swear he doesn't have a jealous bone in his body. Definitely one of a kind! You'd probably get a kick out of him. He's got long hair and looks like he walked out of Braveheart (we actually met while working the horse tournament at a Renaissance Faire) and he's a computer geek . . . er, I mean Unix Administrator. Joanne: During these bachelor party performances, you mentioned that many of the men requested sex or oral sex. Did any ask for "hand jobs" or anything like that? Did any of the dancers that you knew provide that service? Did any of the men masturbate during these performances? Gabrielle: Ya' know, that never even occurred to me. I was never asked, nor have I heard of it. I would NEVER have performed under those circumstances, but come to think of it, guys did visit the restroom often. Of course, that could have been all the beer! Joanne: What about kissing on the lips or French kissing? Were there rules about that? Gabrielle: No kissing was aloud, nor do I personally know of any dancers who allowed that. Kissing is way too intimate. Of course, I may have given someone a peck on the cheek at one time or another. Occasionally I got a hug and/or a kiss on the cheek as I was leaving (usually by the Contact, but often the Bachelor). Joanne: Were there ever any parties that you know about where they would hire two women to do exotic dancing together and touch each other in erotic ways and use pieces of fruit as props, etc.? Gabrielle: I knew a couple dancers who would sometimes do a party together if requested. I don't really know how they did it or what they did, but knowing them it was probably nothing disgusting. I would guess they probably just danced with each other in a suggestive manner, but who knows... I wrote to you of a party where I had to follow another dancer who put on a much nastier show than I. Those guys requested two women, but none of the girls available would do it so they had to settle for two shows back to back. I never heard of the use of fruit or props during bachelor parties, but I know that things like that go on in some of the clubs in SF (like the O'Farrell). Joanne: Did you ever hear of a situation where an exotic dancer was raped or had something forced on her that she didn't want? How safe do you think it is or does that depend on the agency and their screening process? Gabrielle: I wasn't aware that the agency I worked for really did much screening. I'm sure if the owner had a bad feeling she would turn the business away, but basically if they were willing to pay and such, it was a go. I never knew of any dancers who were raped or forced to do anything, but I did have an experience before I started dancing that made me wary. I was escorting a dancer (my mentor, you might say) and she had barely gotten through the first set before she had to take a break and talk to the Contact. The guys were really out of control and obviously expected her to perform in other ways (masturbation, sex). We talked to the Contact who was very apologetic and he tried to calm them down. When she came back out they were very verbally abusive and her boom box had disappeared. The Contact escorted us back to the changing room and managed to get them to turn over the boom box. He apologize profusely and saw us safely to the car (which someone had been immature enough to piss on). That was the worst party I ever experienced and it taught me to be aware of the atmosphere and to leave before things get bad. At one of my parties a guy kept flirting with my escort and at one point he picked her up in his arms. She told him to put her down (through gritted teeth) and I was glad to get out of there before she tore his head off. How do you protect yourself? I knew one escort who carried a stun gun! I always tried to make it clear to the Contact that they were responsible for our safety. I also made it clear that we were on a schedule and the agency knew where we were supposed to be at any given time. I wanted them to know that we would be immediately missed and besides, the agency had the address and phone number of each party. Of course, I didn't often do more than one party a night and the agency didn't check up on us, but they didn't know that. Also, you get to talk to the Contact prior to the party. When you tell the agency that you'll take a job they give you the Contact's name, number and address. You call him to get directions, give him a run down of your show, let him know about additional charges for pictures/video (if you allow it), and ask if there's anything special he'd like you to do or know about (sometimes they want you to play along with a joke or something). I also did strip-o-grams so it was important to get info from the contact prior to showing up. (Strip-o-grams, which can be down to a bikini or a g-string, are much more nerve-wracking because they're only two songs, often in a public or semi-public place, and they're almost always a surprise. I played a cop on quite a few occasions and that's hard to pull off. You have to really make them believe you're real.) I think your real protection lies in your own knowledge of how to handle people and your gut instincts. If something feels weird or dangerous, you listen to it and keep yourself in a safe position. Don't let yourself get in a position that is difficult to get out of. Most Contacts feel some measure of responsibility for you and they watch out for you. You also need a good escort who shares your instincts. They're there to watch your back (and your personal property). The larger the party, the safer I'd feel (usually) because there are all sorts of guys there and I think a lot of guys love it when they get an opportunity to rescue a damsel in distress (even if it means just seeing her safely to the car after the show). I have always considered myself a good judge of character and I know how to "hang with the guys." I act tough and am often told by people that I seem much taller than my measly 5'4". I think if you're careful, street smart, and you don't look or act like an easy target, you can stay relatively safe. My work with the homeless puts me in a bad part of town, often at night, and I approach it in the same way. Be on your guard, be prepared to defend yourself, and don't look like a victim. Criminals usually prey on the easy targets and don't mess with the ones who look like they might kick their asses. Same concept. Oh, one last safety item. I never drank alcohol or allowed my escort to drink it while at a party. I always requested water -- I desperately needed it! Sometimes I would have a little bit of coke (cola -- I don't do drugs) if I felt good about the people there. I was never drugged nor do I know of any dancers that were, but then date rape drugs weren't big back then. Now, who knows? Of course, they'd have to drug both the dancer and the escort. Joanne: How did you learn to do exotic dancing? Were you into any other kinds of dance before you started exotic dancing? I would think you'd have to be in pretty good shape to dance for that long. It's obvious that you have to be pretty and thin, but I would think you'd have to be in good physical shape to be able to dance for a solid hour or more. Gabrielle: I never had any formal dance training, but I did "live" at a nightclub during my high school days. As I said before, I was into the whole 80's dance club scene and there was club in my home town where I hung out four nights a week. I guess I learned my moves from dancing to videos at the club. My friends and I could do all the routines in the videos -- Madonna, Michael Jackson, Prince, etc. Dancing erotically wasn't too far from that. Basically, I picked up those moves by watching other dancers. The first night I worked at the go-go club, I saw the other dancers doing all this floor work (splits, half splits, and the usual writhing around on the floor moves). I felt I had to do what they did or I'd look like an idiot. Well, I did it all . . . and I could barely walk the next day! I was in gymnastics as a kid, but it had been a long time since I'd stretched my muscles to that extent. Ouch! I guess I can attribute my dancing to my natural ability, rhythm, and the fact that I'm a good mimic. The greatest compliment I ever received for my dancing came from two different people (and they were both Hispanic). I was told, "You dance pretty good for a white girl." Coming from these two particular individuals (one was another dancer who had owned her own agency), I was flattered. As far as being in shape . . . I guess it was just one of those mysteries of youth. I danced for years at the nightclub and I guess my body was just acclimated. I wouldn't say I was really active, but I did have a horse, and I did a lot of riding, stall cleaning and hay bucking. I did three parties in one night and that was pretty much my limit (not to mention my deodorant's limit -- and there's only so much hairspray can do on top of sweat, on top of hairspray, on top of sweat . . . you get the idea). Dancing at the go-go club was much more difficult because of the smoke. I don't smoke, and it's hard to do aerobic activity in a room full of smoke. I would have loved to have worked in a "Flashdance" kind of club, provided I didn't have to serve beer and it was non-smoking. (Yeah, I know, I'm dreaming.) Joanne: Did you ever meet anyone at a party and end up dating or was that strictly off-limits? Gabrielle: It was pretty off-limits mainly because they usually acted so immature and foolish. I didn't expect to find anyone worth dating at a party, but I was young and if the right guy came along I would have done it. I didn't date much (in the real world) and was desperately seeking Mr. Right, but I also had very high standards (read picky). Also, I didn't believe the guys at these parties really saw "me" so I didn't take their interest seriously. There was only one guy I would have dated that I met at a frat party I did at UC Berkeley. After the party, he took me up on the roof of the frat house to look at the sky and the view. He was intrigued by the fact that I wasn't what he expected in a stripper and I gave him my number. We talked on the phone a couple times and made a date to go out, but he called it off at the last minute. Apparently he'd just split up with his girlfriend and it wasn't completely over yet. I was never quite sure if that was the truth or not. Remember the party I told you about where the guys went to get more money and I made the mistake of hanging out with the rest of the party until they got back? I had a very strange encounter at that party. There was this guy there that I met just as I arrived and he swore he knew me from somewhere. I felt very strongly that I knew him too. For some reason the party was delayed and I sat and talked with him for quite a while. I was around 22 and he was in his early to mid 30's. We went through where we'd lived, worked, went to school, etc. and there were no matches, yet I felt like I knew him really well. When it came time for me to dance he couldn't watch. He spent the evening in the garage because he said he felt like he was watching his sister strip. Was that weird or what? As far as the go-go club goes, I did go out (as friends) with the bouncer and a couple of the customers. One guy, Mark, use to do crosswords at the bar next to the dance floor. He would ask for help with words anytime he got stuck. We use to shoot pool together, go to dinner, and we even went to a strip club together one night. It was fun to sit back and rate the girls! We had some good times, but there was never anything between us beyond friendship. There were also some guys who had been coming to that club since before I was born, and while I never went out with them I did chat with them a lot. They came there to watch young girls dance, give them a bad time (playing jokes/heckling), and drink Seven-up. I often think of them. It was a neat atmosphere though it looked like a complete dive on the outside (actually, it looked pretty shoddy on the inside as well). It was owned by an arthritic old woman who was commonly called "Mama" by employees and patrons alike. The regular customers always saw us out to our cars at night and were there when you needed someone to talk to. It had a certain charm to it. One of the regulars was a mechanic and he did a lot of work on my cars at the time (I got a deal, of course). I had a 1970 Ford Pick-up (3/4 ton) and a '66 Mustang, both pretty unreliable, but near and dear to my heart. I still have them. I did date a friend of the bouncer at the go-go club for a short time. He wanted to go out with me and the bouncer was filling in for my escort that night. Well, they decided between themselves that the friend should take his place so he could "get to know me." When he showed up on my doorstep before the party in place of my bouncer/escort I was furious! I didn't know this guy and I was supposed to trust him to watch my back?! And he didn't even know what he was suppose to do as an escort! Unfortunately, I had no other choice at so late an hour so I had to give him a quick education and hope for the best. It was not a comfortable party, but I eventually forgave him and dated him briefly. He turned out to be a cocaine addict and I dumped him (of course, that was after I tried to fix him -- damned nurturing tendencies). Joanne: Were there male dancers in your agency that did bachelorette parties? Gabrielle: There were male dancers, but I only met a couple in passing. I've witnessed one male strip-o-gram, but no bachelorette parties. My 75 year-old Aunt has seen more male strippers than I have! When I told her I was a stripper, she was more interested in telling me about the men she'd seen than hearing about my experiences! Joanne: What about "massages"? Were girls ever hired for that or did your agency deal only in dancing? Gabrielle: No massages. I would have liked one, though! I think they should have had massage therapists for the dancers! The agency dealt in bachelor/bachelorette parties, strip-o-grams, singing telegrams, impersonators, balloon bouquets, novelty gifts, etc. Joanne:Did you ever hear of any bachelor parties that were raided by the police or anything like that? Gabrielle: Nope. I did one once that was raided (belatedly, thank goddess) by the fiancé! She and a couple friends showed up right after the party finished up. We threw my suitcase (for my costumes) out the window and two of the guest pretended we (my escort and I) were their girlfriends . . . "and we were just leaving." They escorted us to our car and one guy ran back for my bag. I don't think the fiancé was fooled. She seemed very suspicious and very jealous. The guys were real gentlemen at that party and there was no reason for her to be upset with them. Joanne: That's all the questions I can think of for now. I feel privileged to be able to ask you these questions, because I think a lot of men have a "code of silence" about these things. It's nice to be in the know... Gabrielle: Let me know if there are any more questions. I think I can still get a few more paragraphs out of my bleeding fingers! Your questions have me curious, and I wish there were other dancers to answer your questions as well. I wasn't in it that long and while I didn't witness some of the things you asked about, I can't help but feel that a lot of very wild things go on at some parties. What I saw was pretty tame compared to what movies portray, but those are just movies, right? Truth is often stranger than fiction. I'd like to hear more seasoned dancers relate their experiences. Do you think there's a "stripper list" out there somewhere? *** Copyright 1998 by Spies Online. All Rights Reserved. Do not copy/forward this publication in whole or in part without permission of the list owner and the writer(s) of any particular article(s) in question. Disclaimer: This publication is for entertainment purposes, and the publisher of Spies Online will take no responsibility for the use/misuse of any information contained herein.